No apologies - I will not be sorry that I take care of me

Stop making apologies for taking care of yourself. This applies to your mental health, your physical health and even enjoying your success.

We keep hearing about imposter syndrome, working mom guilt, SAHM guilt - constantly wondering if we're doing the right thing and making the right choices. It truly has to stop. Men aren't having this issue - it seems to me, as women, we need to stop doing it to ourselves.

Don't misunderstand, these feelings are real and valid. We all experience moments where we question our choices - and that's pretty normal. But as moms, wives, employees, bosses, partners - we need to start celebrating our decisions. Owning them more and justifying them less. Make no more apologies - I will not be sorry that I take care of me.

I never suffered from working mom guilt. I knew long before I had kids I would be a working mom. I loved my job. Part of me needed to be contributing to our household finances and I knew I would be monumentally unhappy as a stay-at-home mom. If any moms around me wanted to stay at home - I wished them the freedom and ability to do so! I wasn't jealous. Being a SAHM is HARD WORK - being a working mom is HARD WORK. I hope you get to do what works for your family - no matter what I choose.

People in my life judged me for going back to work after each of my [wholly inadequate] maternity leaves. Unexpected people suggested I loved my kids less than they loved theirs because otherwise, I'd find a way to stay home. Here's the thing - I didn't want to stay home. It had nothing to do with them. I loved my kids enough to know that if I was home, I'd be miserable.

There were days I was sorry to miss field trips (but I went on tons of them), my kids had a nanny, they went to day care, they attended before and after care at school. It cost us money (too much money in my opinion - but that's another article). But we made it work - and my kids are better because of our choices.

There was about a year and a half when my husband stayed home with the girls when they were really young - giving up his income while he finished his degree. This decision worked for us and created an unbreakable bond between the girls and their dad. He didn't feel bad when he went back to work after staying home. He loved his time with them, he was grateful we were able to manage without his income.

I recognize how much privilege I have to be able to make these decisions. Not everyone lives with this level of privilege. I am grateful for my circumstances.

My girls are in college now - they are making their way towards becoming real adults. I have shown them how to be a strong woman, a working mom, a supportive wife, and a raging feminist. But I've also shown them that I am not only a mom, I am more than a wife. I am a whole person. I have shared ways to own self-care and encourage them to take charge of their physical and mental well-being.

I belong to a yoga studio, and I go to practice no less than 3 times a week. Often it's 4 or 5 times. I get regular massages. I have a cleaning lady. We outsource our yard work. We go on vacation as a family, I take solo trips to visit my sisters in PA and CO, my husband golfs - all over the place - in all kinds of weather - a lot. We work hard, we love unconditionally, we have autonomy over our lives and bodies, we demand respect and we fiercely care for each other.

So, I guess my point - taking the scenic route - is this: stop letting imposter syndrome, self-doubt or societal expectations guilt you into a life you don't want. Own your dreams, and while it may take time - or circumstances - to make it happen, find a way to forge your own path forward.

If I can be helpful, don't hesitate to connect and we can talk through whatever is on your mind.